It's been a really hard week, after my wonderful nana being diagnosed with a brain tumour on February 12th things have quickly deteriorated. We thought when the lung cancer was diagnosed on January 13th that we had months with her so to find out we has so much less time hit the whole family hard. We've nearly all been living at the hospital this week, I've miss my Kidlets but I know that this is my last moments with my nana so I'm making the most of it. We nearly lost her a number of times on Tuesday when her breathing slowed and she was taking 45 seconds between breaths. We cried a lot and held hands around her bed. She repeatedly asked us to read the 23rd Psalm which was comforting to us all. She surprised us by suddenly taking a turn for the better and made jokes and had us all laughing. Through the silence and somber moments she shouted out "I'm still here!" before informing us that when she raised her left arm in the air that we'd know she was still with us and when she stopped putting her arm up that she had gone. Through the evening and night she repeatedly raised her arm in the moments when we were getting more upset and had us all in fits of laughter. It somehow seems odd that the amazing women that was lying in the hospital bed surrounded by her family was the one still holding us all together and giving us those precious moments of joy. She also informed Babs (my cousin) that she owed her £10 and told my auntie to make sure it was returned. She then questioned my uncle as to whether he had got his TV licence sorted in his new flat and explained how much he'd be fined before making him promise to sort it!
I was blessed to bring my Kidlets to see nana on Monday and she was still well enough to hold Batman and have Panda sit next to her on the bed. The photos I took are something I will treasure forever.
There have been so many tears shed and so many belly laughs that this week has been topsy turvy. I hate seeing, my nana, the most dignified of women being left in a state where she needs her personal care carried out by others. It's upsetting because I *know* how much she would absolutely hate it.
We didn't think there would be any way she'd still be with us on Wednesday let alone still here today! She's a fighter, a strong women who has not only taught us all so much over the years but also taught us a lot over the past few days.
I look forward to her leaving us and going home, to heaven, knowing I will see her again some day. Knowing that my nana and grandad are there waiting for the day when we are reunited.
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